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Big FeelingsUpdated

When Your 4-Year-Old Hits When Angry

Quick Answer

Hitting is common at four because anger arrives faster than words. Stop the hit calmly and firmly, keep everyone safe, then teach a replacement like stomping, squeezing a pillow, or saying "I'm mad!" Practice the replacement when your child is calm.

What it looks like by age

  1. 3

    Age 3

    Hits, bites or pushes often; needs an adult to block and redirect.

  2. 4

    Age 4

    Hits when frustrated, especially over toys or being told no.

  3. 5–6

    Age 5–6

    Hitting decreases as children learn words and other ways to show anger.

Why it happens

Young children feel anger in their bodies. Without words or impulse control, the body acts first. Hitting is a skill gap, not a character flaw.

What to say

  • "I won't let you hit. Hitting hurts."

  • "You're really mad. You can stomp your feet or squeeze this pillow."

  • "Say 'I'm mad!' as loud as you need to."

  • "When you're calm, let's check on your friend."

Instead of… try…

Tap a card to flip it.

Try it together

At home

5 min

Mad Muscles Game

In the classroom

10 min

Safe Hands Practice

☀️ Sunny's Shine Challenge

Practice one safe mad move with your child today while everyone is happy.

When to get help

If hitting is frequent, causes injuries, or isn't improving with consistent support, ask your pediatrician about next steps.

Questions parents and teachers ask

Should I use time-out for hitting?

A short calm-down break can help, but pair it with teaching what to do instead.

Why does my child only hit me?

Children often release big feelings with the person they feel safest with.

Sunny says

Sunny the Panda listening kindly
“When I'm mad, I stomp like an elephant — stomp, stomp, stomp!”

Written by Audrey Bell-Kearney

Related skills

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